My Ex-Girlfriend Wants Me Back And I Want Her Back Too! She has everything you ever desired in a woman. Your ex may want to be friends because they, wrongly, think it will be a kinder way to breakup with you. It’s a noble endeavor to want to be a friend to a former spouse but it can fuel your child’s reconciliation fantasies and prevent both adults from healing and moving on with their lives. But that doesn’t mean you have to. Ahhh, the “friends with an ex” conversation. Wants to be able to look for a new chick while still getting the goods from you. My ex did this to me, and we were together for a long time and have a child together. If your ex wants to be friends, they likely want someone to be emotionally connected to until they meet their future husband or wife. My ex broke up with me last week and still wants to remain friends. If you’re on this site, you’re looking for solutions in terms of getting back together; not being friends with an ex that left you (or the person that maybe you broke up with.) Once I started getting over him it was like he had a Radar and wouldcome back around and I would fall for his nonsense every single time. If your ex is pretending and playing games with you, then, you can decipher his or her messages with a little bit of psychology and unveal their true meaning. Research suggests that if your friends and family want you to stay friends with an ex, you are more likely to do so. And I will never get over him that way. I currently live at home and nearly all my close friends are scattered around the country at various schools so I'm really feeling a little alone and somewhat depressed. Need help with your relationship? I want to be his one and only. Normally, after a breakup, you will either want nothing to do with your ex anymore — or — you will want to be much more than just friends with your ex. He calls me and bitches about how horrible she is and says he made a mistake and wants to know if I am "completely over him?" She broke things off because she didn't love me / didn't want to love me (she said when we were together, she'd fall back in love with me... girls are weird :S) We tried to be friends, but I couldn't deal with it, and broke contact. If it means cutting off contact for a while and moving on, then getting back in contact, do that. You need to make up your mind. Break all contact with her. Im very confused. It will be the best thing you will do for yourself. But when you can't have it, you want it MORE. If your ex wants to know how work is, who you are seeing and what you are up to in general, that’s a ginormous signal they still want you in their life. Why He’s Staying In Contact With You They’re Still in Love With You. When it comes down to being friends with your exes, it's all about boundaries. I reckon I would like to ask whether I am a giant cry baby? That’s why you shouldn’t agree to stay friends. I would stand up to her and tell her it is not going to be that way. Playing The Jealous Card The experts say if your ex is stuffing the internet world with their party nights and they are pretending to be happy without you, then you need to understand they are just trying to get you mad, make you jealous. theres no way I could be friends with that fucking bitch after what she'd done to me. You really like this meal. Sussman says exes who have kids together should try to remain on good terms if possible, since they’ll be in each other’s lives for the long run. > I still love my ex. I don’t want to become just another girl on a long list of women he’s loved. Either 'your' theory is extremely widespread on the internet (and has been since 2007), or it isn't your theory. Remember that friends with benefits are exactly what the name implies; they’re friends only because the relationship benefits them. But they’ve failed to really consider how that would affect you. Some can take it emotionally well. She broke up with me about 2 weeks ago because she felt as though I've become her friend. I was in the same situation. Being friends with an ex (if you were in a serious relationship) is not recommended, if you are in a new and growing relationship. Someone who wants a real relationship with you gets tired of the cat-and-mouse game very quickly, and will want more intimate communication. This is a good sign. It’ll suck but honestly just cut all contact. But attempting to forge a friendship before you’re ready can do more harm than good. However, here are the most common reasons that guys want to keep in touch with their ex-girlfriends. But another problem is we have lots of mutual friends and live in the same town. So you say, “I’ve been able to get fries with that before, why can’t I have fries with my Big Mac combo anymore?” The girls says, ”Well, I just think it is better if you only have the Big Mac and the Coke from here on out.”, At this point, a lot of guys are going to go to Wendy’s or BK and see if they can get fries with their combo at that drivethrough window. Do this at least for a little while. Our relationship just got stagnant and boring. I was confused about how to treat her when we do meet yet still remain as "not-friend". You’re Friends And He Doesn’t Want To Lose You. He's also a liar. I have since been going through the typical heartbreak, 7 stages crap, and she has been offering to hang out which I took her up on. But if you two are to be friends, it won't be right away, it takes time, you can't force it, and you have to recognize and be sensitive to both your feelings and theirs. He also still wants to hangout with me and says I'm still his best friend. Never again. The fact that your ex still wants to be friends means he still wants you in his life. It is also important to understand that it takes time. I know exactly how pathetic and lonely you feel without her and all the friends you used to have, but you have to be able to be happy with yourself before you can consider being friends with her. I know you think you can change his mind, but while you’re busy doing that, you could be missing out on his hot friend who actually does want to date you. This is the most obvious reason. I want to be the love of his life and that means there’s no room for his past loves to remain a part of his life. Let’s begin! After the break up he is getting what he wants and I would say he is with you for your vagina only. Plan and simple. Sounds like he wants the perks of being in a relationship (intimacy, support system, etc) while being a free agent to play the field and find someone to actually commit to—not worth. I went through the same thing about 5 months ago (same age range, too - year and a half, and I was 23 and she was 21). Someone who wants a real relationship with you gets tired of the cat-and-mouse game very quickly, and will want more intimate communication. The disutility of being reminded of what you can't have will always outweigh any value from the friendship (for me at least). They talk about you as more than a friend. Caitlin Bishop. It can take at least a few months to turn your ex from friends … Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Depends why you broke up. Every time we hangout we end up having sex and I act like I'm still his girlfriend. I realize she was your best friend for the past year and a half and your instincts are to run to her and tell her exactly how you feel but you need time away from her. He basically wanted all of his "family" benefits without actually having the responsibility of us. If your ex boyfriend/girlfriend wants to be friends, it also means that she/he is confused and wants to keep all the options open. However, if you really want to get your ex back, sometimes this is the only door of opportunity for you. The more you can treat your ex like a friend, the more likely you are going to get your ex back. It’s probably best that you guys cut things off for a while until you can truly figure out your feelings. He "was confused" and "needed time to figure out if this is what he wanted to do." He told me if I accept to be friends with him we wont have sex. After breakup or divorce you and your ex are still talking, and you are realizing that there might be a way to become more intimate… You’ve picked up on your ex’s hints, or maybe you’re wondering how you could get them back into your bed. You like her but she just wants to be your friend! Cookies help us deliver our Services. I am still friends with an ex from like 6 years ago and she even comes out to hang out with my friends and current g/f. I'm actually about to tell my best friend in the whole world that I can't have him in my life anymore because he doesn't feel the same way about me as I do about him. Having friends who are women is fine because they’re just friends. Cut ties. This is one of the most common reasons that a guy stays in contact with his ex-girlfriend. Click Here To Get Your Ex Back. What you actually WANT, is to keep her as a lover. because he knows you are a good person to date, and maybe in the future you will want to get back together. He still talks to me everyday and acts like everything is normal between him and I. But if you are still on his mind, then he might not take any of those possibilities further because he is still thinking about you. One day it’s I want “my stuff” back, the next they want you to keep it, and then back to them wanting it back. If your ex boyfriend/girlfriend wants to be friends, it also means that she/he is confused and wants to keep all the options open. ... "When your partner wants to build a relationship with you, they won't want to jeopardize things by introducing you as a friend. What you actually WANT, is to keep her as a lover. While it’s normal to want to undo the past, being friends with your ex usually doesn’t work out. He might want to be friends, but that’s it. So you're saying this Wendy and whoever is BK are total sluts? He also still wants to hangout with me and says I'm still his best friend. If you initiated the break-up and your ex is not taking it well, the last thing you probably want to do is hurt them even more by rejecting their friendship. This means you’re basically playing the part of girlfriend or boyfriend without the benefits of an actual relationship. I hate to give you the bad news, but sometimes a guy just isn’t into you. Break all contact with her. He came around every day. We dated for a short stint two years ago, and after each going on to have a few more relationships and a lot more life experience, we reconnected. One day, you pull up to the drivethrough and order the Big Mac Combo meal and the girl tells you, “I’m sorry - you can have the Big Mac and the Coke, but you can’t get fries with that anymore.” You think about this for a moment, and sure - the Big Mac is the centerpiece of the meal, but McDonalds has some really good fries and you like their fries with your meal. He still talks to me everyday and acts like everything is normal between him and I. Your boyfriend seems to be an even more extreme case (my case didn't involve sex). Guilt Can Drive You Towards Being Friends with Your Ex. They are sending you an indirect message that they really want you back in his life and they don’ t care what others think of it. Imagine if you went to McDonalds a lot and ordered a Big Mac Combo meal. (tl;dr) I really don’t want anything to do with my ex. This is CRITICAL. If your ex tells you, or more likely your friends, how unhappy and miserable they feel after breaking up with you, they’re subconsciously hoping that your friends will tell this to you. Not cool to play with your emotions like that. Everyone lies, but if the lie caused you enough pain to break up with him like you did, then stay broken up. Not necessarily of course but this is common across the globe. So your new boyfriend is besties with his ex. Whether your relationship ended by mutual agreement or feelings on your end that you see your significant other as more of a friend than a lover, the “I’d like us to still be friends” conversation often comes into play. Whether your relationship ended by mutual agreement or feelings on your end that you see your significant other as more of a friend than a lover, the “I’d like us to still be friends” conversation often comes into play. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the relationship_advice community, Continue browsing in r/relationship_advice. All is fair. . 5. Everyone has their own feelings, their own emotions. She wants to have her cake and eat it too. Many life-long soulmates started out as close friends, but many friendships have also been ended by attempts to make it romantic, which ultimately failed. Deep down you want her back, and even if you are buying some time before you do it, you are not going to say no to her. In other words, you need to place your ex’s needs above yours. There are exes who respond because they feel that not responding is rude, and/or don’t want to hurt you more than they already have. Instead, there are more concrete ways to ask for what you want, even as you transition out of a relationship with this person. My ex bragged about how she maintains good standing with all her exes. I said we could be friends after some time passed because honestly I was very sad at the idea of losing him. "My advice to anyone wrapped up in this practice is, if you are having sex with a friend and all you want is sex and friendship, if you ever decide you want more, sex needs to stop. Another reason why people want to stay in close contact with a former partner after a breakup is guilt. When you do that, she will naturally begin to reconnect with her old feelings of love for you. Friendships make us feel safe and fulfill attachment needs, so it's no surprise that security … Dude is a douche. Don’t try to get her back by begging, pleading or trying to convince her that you will change. What To Do If My Ex Wants To Have Sex With Me and I Want Him Back For a Long Term Relationship. . If that’s the case, then nothing I or anyone else says is going to stop you from getting back together with her. He's using you until he finds someone else. There are also people who got their ex back even though their ex just want to be friends. Ask yourself one question. he's a drug dealer too but still wants to keep in touch with me. Need help with your relationship? It's rough but you've got to go for a clean break. And I'll just say, that only lasted a week before I cut her off almost completely, cutting her off 100% not long after. At some point in his life he loved her, and at this point he loves me. But the week before cutting her off was just a trip through hell, she dragged me through the mud and messed with my emotions and I now suspect she was either only keeping me as an emotional backup, to be able to take advantage of me/hurt me more, or both. Or B: he (like the other comments have said) wants all the perks of a relationship without the commitment. Ex wants to be friends I want more: You don’t want to be Friend-Zoned by the one you love! If you do, you're inviting inappropriate feelings of infidelity (if you have a new boyfriend) and setting yourself up for a "relapse" and possible heartbreak. "He broke up with me and wants to be friends, but I want more." They are genuinely thinking of your feelings and trying to soften the blow. 1 year ago. Been there, done this. Security. And for some it might be. She says she no longer has romantic feelings for me, but still wishes to maintain a fairly close friendship. Hit on me, flirted with me, had sex with me, ate dinner with us. Maybe they will go on first dates and their friends will try to set up your ex with someone so they can get over you. It can be tricky, trying to navigate a new romantic relationship that has grown out of a friendship, but it’s entirely do-able. It is clear that he wants sex with you and it is the best way to be friends with you so he can get sex without commitment so if this is what you want then continue with him. Pay attention to what they say and who exactly they are introducing you to. Being friends with your ex does you no good, unless it was a mutual break up (which, it isn't). He wants to have his cake and eat it too. It's over. You state what you want… It takes a good minute for all those feelings to resolve. I know I was friends with that first ex for months until she got a bf and it was like a dagger to the heart (then didn't talk for about 4 years). I know a girl who broke up with a guy and she told him she wanted to “still be friends.” He said, “No thanks.” She wondered why he couldn’t fall back to being just friends after they had a romantic relationship. I'm absolutely civil with her when contact comes up but we're not "friends" by any stretch. Your favourite food has gone out of production and so you start … Because seeing her when she’s in a place emotionally where she wants to be friends with you, is just gonna push you further into that friend zone. Ex wants to stay friends I’m not even sure where to start but we broke up around July and it was with the understanding that we weren’t compatible despite having a lot of love for each other. My(30M) Ex(30F) wants to be back in my life as a friend years later, but I don't think I want anything to do with her. He’s been introducing you to more and more people in his life. And no one wants the added pressure of an ex who wants more than you can give. He told me last night he wont have sex with anyone for a while and just wants to be alone for a while -he's lying, he's just using you for backup sex while he tries to get with other girls, New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the relationship_advice community, Continue browsing in r/relationship_advice. There's a chance it still won't work, but if it will, that's how it will happen. If your ex says they "miss their best friend" or "want to catch up" and you don't feel comfortable with that? Is it possible to be friends? Talking About Their Social … It ripped me apart when he ended it. That’s why guys don’t like to be friends with a girl who breaks up with them. Keep in mind though, that there are several reasons why keeping your ex as a friend is not a good idea. YOU have to set boundaries with him that YOU are comfortable with whether it’s cutting him out completely, being friends but not having sex, or being friends with benefits (and anything in between). Your ex responds but is just being polite. Every attempt you make towards her meets with so much resistance. Cut him out, you deserve better! Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! July 13, 2017 . Most of us know it all too well. You could still be friends with her, but definitely not now. He either A: sees you as special and although you didn’t work out romantically he still want you in his life. Being friends with your ex does you no good, unless it was a mutual break up (which, it isn't). Ahhh, the “friends with an ex” conversation. When to stay friends with an ex. . This is going to be a shit time in my life but I hope to come out of it like Andy Dufresne at the end of Shawshank. Press J to jump to the feed. ), but he doesn't want to be in a relationship again yet. You feel bad for them. He wants to dump you and not feel bad about it. Seems to me like he wants to keep you around Incase no one else comes his way. I went through a very similar thing in high school. You’ve got to start reactivating her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you. My last g/f wanted to remain friends and I wouldn't have it. in Get Your Ex Back. What To Do If My Ex Wants To Have Sex With Me and I Want Him Back For a Long Term Relationship. My ex broke up with me last week and still wants to remain friends. He was my best friend and I sometimes miss the connection we had but his happiness and peace of mind is more important to me than a forced friendship. Tell Her You Don’t Want to be Just Friends, and to Let You Know if She Changes Her Mind and Wants to Date Again. I can't have him in my life like before and not have feelings. If you don't give it time hose emotions and habits you had with him will interfere and yalls relationship will likely get messy. So instead… 2. With my other significant ex, we only dated for about 6 months but it was insanely intense. But in any regard, the fact an ex acts so casual about this and wants to keep you like that just screams "manipulation.". 6. Sometimes you can be physically attracted to someone and if you also hit it off with them you can think you're in love. Cut off contact. In this article, I go over several signs that may indicate your ex wants to get back together with you. Being friends with an ex (if you were in a serious relationship) is not recommended, if you are in a new and growing relationship. But I keep getting pressure from mutual friends that I should give her a chance to be back in my life as a friend … 6. 1. That’s just my personal opinion. Im very confused. more: Exactly How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back. Are you willing to hear about her new boyfriend? That is why if you are trying to get your ex back, you will do better if you approach it with an optimistic attitude. And remaining pals may seem like the mature, evolved thing to do. I don’t want to become just another girl on a long list of women he’s loved. I know we will run into each-other. She has everything you ever desired in a woman. You feel a bit more lonely now that your friend that hasn't been contacting you at all and you realise just how fun they were to have around. .. . Every attempt you make towards her meets with so much resistance. He told me last night he wont have sex with anyone for a while and just wants to be alone for a while. They feel guilty and are trying to make themselves feel better. Respect your ex’s wish to be friends and put your desire to get him/her back on hold. .How you handle that is very important. My heart still hurts, and it seems like he's still interested in me and wants to be with me (kisses me, slept over, etc. Many life-long soulmates started out as close friends, but many friendships have also been ended by attempts to make it … 6. Cut off contact . She possesses all the qualities you want; unfortunately, you simply can’t capture her attention. He told me last night he wont have sex with anyone for a while and just wants to be alone for a while. If you want to move on then you should cut him off from your life completely so you can heal from the break up and can find a man with whom you can form a long term relationship with him. So you’re in this situation where you’re thinking, “my ex girlfriend wants to be friends with me, but I really want her back, I just don’t know how to turn this situation around so that she’ll want me as her boyfriend again.” No worries, I’m gonna show you how to flip the script on this so that she comes back to you. I don’t see exes as just friends, though. You have a say too and he will either respect that or leave. If your girlfriend said that she just wants to be friends, don’t worry – you can change her mind. If you want to be friends with an ex, do not do the things you used to do when you were dating. How do I act then? It's the best thing you can do mentally and emotionally for yourself. Start anew - take the opportunity to experience new sights and activities as friends. Your guy friend might like you if he’s invited you to meet his other friends, colleagues, or family. but do not harbor thoughts of 'she will come back!'. Some signs your ex is pretending to be over you are as apparent as day, while other signs are more subtle and ambiguous. I was a little caught off guard by the whole thing as I still harbor strong romantic feelings for her and was honestly in shock for a few days after that. Press J to jump to the feed. If your partner is seeing an ex regularly, it's opportunity for more, and jeopardy for your relationship." It […] Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! Finally, there’s a reason to burn those bridges. So instead… 2. He wants to be friends. He’s obviously attached to you still. Having friends who are women is fine because they’re just friends. If you're totally over it call her in 6 months or a year. My guess there is he's now afraid to leave her until he has someone else lined up, but this time, no one wants him, so they continue to spiral. That’s why you shouldn’t agree to stay friends. Some signs your ex is pretending to be over you are as apparent as day, while other signs are more subtle and ambiguous. If you are happy to just be friends with benefits tell him and leave it at that but if either of you find someone else then just cut off all ties. At some point in his life he loved her, and at this point he loves me. Even if you want to be friends as well I suggest no communication for a while at least. It will be the best thing you will do for yourself. I had an ex of mine text me " I miss the way we used to be" about a month ago, I couldn't help but laugh. After a breakup, you may be tempted to try to be friends with your ex.You still care about this person, after all. Trust me, you're only going to put yourself, and even her, through a lot of anguish and drama if you guys are friends and you still have feelings for her. After my emotionally abusive and manipulative ex girlfriend dumped me for some other guy she wanted to keep me around as a friend. I found out he was seeing someone else and that he had been seeing her in the month leading up to his "confusion," but he was unsure if it was going to work out with her, so he was stringing me along with lies of us living separately to work on our relationship so we could be stronger. No, you do not need to be friends. I think the only way to truly be friends with an ex is once time has gone on and you are either both in a relationship or so content with your own lives that the idea of getting back together out of an emotional place isn't an option. He is now married to the bitch he cheated on me with and is constantly trying to "be my friend." Full disclosure: I’m sleeping with my ex. ), but he doesn't want to be in a relationship again yet. . Tell Her You Don’t Want to be Just Friends, and to Let You Know if She Changes Her Mind and Wants to Date Again. Yes, I am. All you want to know if he wants to be your boyfriend. It won't happen. This is the foundation for coming up with the right plan to reconnect with your ex to repair a once-broken relationship. This is subjective. A Big Mac, Large Fries and a Coke. This is a bad zone if you want them back! Or is this doomed from the start? If you still want him in your life, talk to him about it. Watch out for falling into the trap of going from lover to friend. You state what you want… Go ahead and assume it's done. Why? And no one is right or wrong. This is CRITICAL. In a way, you can consider this as a form of true love. This will give you a confidence boost. Use new found confidence to get laid multiple times. But there are some guys who REALLY like McDonalds Big Macs and they might think, “If I keep coming here and ordering the Big Mac and Coke, maybe she’ll change her mind and give me some fries with that later.” So they will keep on getting the combo without the fries until the deal breaker happens: One day that guy is going to order the Big Mac and Coke and then he’s going to pull up a little bit to pay, and someone else is going to pull up to the drivethrough speaker and order the “Big Mac Combo” and he is going to hear the girl say, “Would you like fries with that?”. Well said. EDIT: Seems like a consensus to "avoid her like the plague" has been reached. 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